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Keeping up Acquaintance
DID you ever have a friend with whom it was
hard to keep acquainted? You parted on
good terms and thought of her as a friend
all the time, but when again you met you found that
once more you must become acquainted. I have had
such experiences and found them unsatisfactory.
I would have a friend be a friend all the time.
Nellie confesses that she often cries herself to sleep
because no one understands her; while Marie ac
knowledges that she sometimes gets very angry with
her mother because she cannot make Mother under
stand what she wants. It seems that everyone, even
your mother, fails to comprehend the importance of
the very things that to you seem the most momentous.
It is especially grievous to you that your mother does
not understand, when you used to think she knew and
understood everything. She appears to be getting
out of touch with young folks.
It may be a queer way of putting it, but your real
trouble is that you have lost acquaintance with almost
all that is around you. First, you are not acquainted
with yourself. You change so fast that you are a
stranger to yourself. You cannot keep up with your
notions. You want a thing, and before your desire
can be fully granted you want something else. It
seems to you that nobody really tries to please you,
and you get restless and dissatisfied. You think that
everyone is crossing you, when you are really cross
ing yourself.
Watch the changes in your body. The dress you
liked so well last summer did not fit you at all
when you got it out this spring. You looked
almost comical in it, and you wonder why you
ever liked it. The dress is just as it was, but you have
changed. You have grown taller and taken on a new
form. Clothes must be cut by a different pattern
now to fit you.
You are changing just as fast in your likes and dis
likes. Mother has been planning a special pleasure
for you, possibly has begun your new dress. She
explains what she is going to do and how she is
going to do it, and when you have a chance to speak
you break her plans all to pieces. She has not pleased
you at all, though Mother knows very well that what
she intended to do was the very thing you wanted
only a short while ago. She looks at you perplexed,
and you are almost angry that she should have sup
posed you would have desired such a thing. Per
haps you speak saucily, and Mother reproves you
sharply and calls you an ungrateful girl. You go
away and cry real, hot tears because you are so
misunderstood. You, my dear, have changed and
do not know it. It is not Mother, but the girl who
lives in your body that so misunderstands you.
When I was about fourteen Mother was making
me a new dress, and I wanted the sleeves made very
full at the hand and open from the elbow down.
They were very ugly and very unhandy, and always
falling into everything, and it was winter and very
cold: but I wanted my sleeves made that way no
matter what was said to me. Mother set her lips
together and said, "Well, you shall have them."
Her look called me to my senses, and I began to
back down, but she said, "No, you shall have them
just as you want them," and I had to drag and drib
ble those sleeves around till the dress was worn out'
I found out that it was just a notion, which lasted
but a short while, that I wanted such sleeves, and
that my real self despised them. Mother knew that
all the time. I am not blaming girls for being change
able, but I want them to see that they are changing'
and not to expect everyone to change with them.
Again the girl finds herself feeling very awkward.
It seems to her that she is always splashing or spill
ing something and bringing down upon her head
admonitions that nettle her. The fact is that her
arms and hands have grown so fast that she cannot
measure the length they will reach nor the force with
which they will seize a thing. She has failed to keep
acquainted with her own body. She need not be dis
couraged if she has trouble with awkwardness, for
everyone who is growing fast has the same experi
ence. Father himself would be just as awkward if
he were suddenly to gain a few inches in his height.
It is hard for even a mother to keep acquainted
with growing children. While she may misunder
stand to some extent the present whim or fancy of
the boy and girl, she does understand conditions
much better than they do and can see when their
desires and impulses would lead them into wrong.
A girl is not able "to be her own boss" until she has
passed these changing years. Not till then can she
look upon things with a settled gaze. It would be
very hard to judge a garden if one went by it on a
run and it is just as hard to judge as to what is best
as long as these swift changing years are on. If the
girl can only be patient and obedient until she gets
fully acquainted with herself she will save both her
own heart and her dear parents many hours of trial
and anxiety.
Strive to keep acquainted with your parents and
teachers, so that you can understand their point of
view. Look at things from their side. Because they
do not agree with you, do not go off pouting and
keep to yourself, but listen and really try to see. I
could not keep acquainted with anyone if I never
sought her company, or if when I was with her always
insisted on having my way. And you cannot keep
acquainted with Mother if you are always contending
for your own way. When you contend with anyone
you come up against his most unlikable side, and
if you are continually contending with Mother about
this and that you will find yourself thinking only of
her most unkind ways. just a little of the deference
and courtesy given to strangers would help you
better to understand your mother.
Mother has many things to think about, and her
mind is often full of perplexing problems which you
know nothing about. It may be that just at the time
when you are most persistent about something or
other your contention is the last straw which wears
her out, and she answers you more sternly than you
think she ought. You feel abused and hampered.
You think of Mother as being unkind and possibly
unjust. She thinks of you as being stubborn and un
grateful. Both of you would see things differently if
you took time to keep acquainted.
Keep acquainted with Father also. Too often he
is not counted into his daughter's life at all other than
to provide the money she needs. He is a great bless
ing in the girl's life if she will only give him a chance
to know her. He is busy and can hardly be expected
to take the initiative in a hearty acquaintance; but
he will appreciate the kind advances of his young
daughter if she comes to him smiling and seeking to
know him.
To keep acquainted with herself or her parents a
girl must be considerate and thoughtful. She cannot
give way to every fancy or whim, but must consider
what is best for her and for others.
When a girl is just entering her teens she must
watch carefully indeed if she keeps from being selfish.
So much is happening in her life just then, such
great changes taking place, that she is almost certain
to become self-centered and to think always of her
self first. It is such a task for her to keep up with her
thoughts and feelings and desires that everybody else
is forgotten. There is something about the tumul
tuous condition of her nature that makes her see
with crooked eyes, so that things are not in their
right proportions. just a little reasoning on her part
will help her to see that she is making a mistake.
It is selfishness that would make a girl think it a
cross to help with the ironing because it might hurt
her pretty hands, when her mother has to work hard
all day long. Or, again, it is selfishness that would
cause her to spend a whole hour dressing her hair in
the morning before she is off to school, leaving her
no time to help with the dishes. And when evening
comes and someone must stay with the little ones
while the rest go out, it is selfishness if she feels
abused when her turn comes.
It is selfishness that makes a girl think that she
ought to have better clothes than her mother has, or
that would have her want better than her brothers
and sisters possess. She has kept her mind so full of
her own desires that she has forgotten that others
have wants or rights. It is the most cruel kind of
selfishness that will cause a girl to speak crossly and
saucily to her parents when they must refuse her
some of her notions. They who have done most for
her of all the world, who are working week in and
week out for her happiness, who are denying them
selves many pleasures that her life may be more full,
they who because in their wisdom see that she should be denied - they must have her become cross with them!
The great foe of these years is selfishness, and the girl who comes to the most perfect womanhood learns soon to fight it with all her might.
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